“Bruce, what is that card you have in your shirt pocket?”

I sat before the desk of my pastor, Mark Sutton with a sullen and disturbed spirit. Just moments ago, my Associate Pastor, Randy McGee had asked me to teach a new college and career Sunday School class and I had used my “card” to help me say “no”. I was about a year into my therapy for major depression and my “card” was a tool to help me make better decisions and find a comfortable way to tell someone “no”. 

Randy had been shocked and had replied, “You’re telling me no? I can’t believe you’re telling me no!” Randy, and I loved him dearly, used guilt many times to get his way and he admitted it was a strategy he learned while being a corporate negotiater before surrendering to the ministry. And now, Mark had called me into his office no doubt to confront me about my refusal to teach this new class.

I took the “LifeFilter” card out of my pocket and handed it to him. He looked at it and his eyes widened.

“What is this?”

“It’s my LifeFilter. It’s a card I carry with me everyday to help make better decisions so I don’t go back into worsening depression.”

Mark sat back in his chair, still holding the card in his hand. He studied me and I waited nervously like a caterpillar on a leaf watching the approaching hungry bird.

Mark and I were best friends and for the past five years, I had been in charge of a large, growing drama ministry at Brookwood Baptist Church at Mark’s insistence. Frankly, my personal ambition at running the ministry had gotten me into hot water psychologically and spiritually and had been one big factor in my major depressive episode. I had let down Mark Sutton when I had to give up being the director of the ministry. Mark massaged his lower lip, a sign he was deep in thought about to share a thought. He leaned forward.

“Bruce, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone outside my family.”

That statement surprised me. He wasn’t going to “preach” to me about taking the teaching position?

“I suffer from horrible depression.”

I almost fell out of the chair. “What? No, you can’t do that! You’re a pastor. Pastors can’t be depressed.” I blurted out.

He almost smiled and then shook his head. “Bruce, I’ve lived with depression for most of my adult life. I don’t keep guns in the house and Susan keeps the knives hidden.”

My mouth fell open. How could this be? This great man of God, this incredible communicator, this pastor who loved even the unlovable members of our church? Could it be true that he was just as depressed as I was?

“Mark, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“I keep it quiet. Tell me more about this tool.”

I told him about my LifeFilter card and the five questions I had to answer “yes” to before making a positive decision and moving on with a request. It was a necessary process for me to not fall back into over committing myself in my continuing efforts to make sure EVERYONE liked me. To say “no” risked others disapproving of me. On one side of my card were the questions. On the other side was one of 30 of my favorite verses, a verse for each day of the month.

That encounter led to numerous lunch and coffee shop conversations about our depression. Mark stated talking about depression from the pulpit and his counseling schedule filled up. As time passed, I realized I had found not just my friend but accountability. One lunch meeting at a local restaurant Mark made an astonishing suggestion.

“Bruce, with your medical knowledge and your LifeFilter tool, we should write a book on depression.”

I was stunned. Mark was a published author and I had always dreamed of writing novels and being published. I had tried many times over the past twenty years to get published without success. Could we really do this? Could God take my story and help others?

Out of that meeting came an incredible journey through publishing three editions of our book on depression.

I share this because Mark Sutton was not just my friend, pastor, and co-author, he was my mentor. Mark had the unfailing ability to turn failure into triumph in the work of the Lord. We shared many seminars on depression and I watched him focus on one person out of a crowd who needed personal encouragement and an ear to listen. I could write story after story of Mark’s interaction with these suffering souls. I do not have that discernment but I have prayed and worked on being an echo of Mark’s ability to commit “ordained acts of kindness”. We received dozens, if not hundreds, of emails testifying to how Mark’s words in our book “saved” their lives.

I am grateful and blessed to have shared this part of Mark’s journey on this Earth. His ministry to the hurting and the lost and the almost forgotten can never be completely told for there are so many stories he has never shared. Mark was not a man who sought the spotlight.

If you knew Mark, you know he was NOT patient at waiting in lines. He grudgingly put up with “receiving” lines. But I know that somewhere in heaven, there is a huge, long line of those waiting to thank Mark Sutton for the love and kindness he showed to them in those unrecognized moments of kindness. I only hope I can do the same.

He always said he wanted to finish well. My friend has! I am sure that Jesus is telling Mark Sutton, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Link for obituary is here.